Monday, November 21, 2005

holding on......

times are changing, rearranging
i’m gonna keep on holding on,
while all of this is going on....

to have loved, almost lost it and regained it in a most heartbreaking way....i read this morning a beautifully translated article from a chinese byj fan. its entitled "time cannot take away your brightness". i really dont know what happened to me but i was so affected with that article. i think its the first fan writing i've read that made me cry real hard. yeah, its kind of normal for me to get emotional everytime i read an article penned & translated by byj fans. but this is the first time that it really hit me hard.

i cant say the exact reason but while i'm reading it, i have this heavy feeling as if i'm letting go of something that is so precious to me & at the same time realizing that i just cant let go of this precious someone. sounds like a confused person huh?

it was a fan's emotional journey which i felt i also may go through. right now, i'm experiencing the extreme highs & lows of being a byj fan & for sure, eventually, this will settle down into a quiet & calmer mode. but will i also go through the stage of taking things for granted, slowly drift away from him and finally letting go ?? i cant say at this point in time coz i'm still very much in the eye of byj's storm. but to let go of someone i invested with so much time & emotions ? its just beyond me right now.

do i have this fear of losing that feeling someday? of letting go of someone that meant so much to me for quite some time? its easy to fall for somebody but letting go is an entirely different thing. it takes immense courage & a very strong heart to say goodbye, turn your back and move on a different path. but i also know that somehow, someday, we may go through this process.

i hope that if ever i will have this chance of passing through this crossroad, i will have the wisdom to finally say its time to say goodbye, leave all these craziness behind and just tuck these memories in my heart and move on or
i will have the courage to say it is still ok to hold on, to keep the fire burning & to rediscover that special feeling for that special someone.