Thursday, November 24, 2005

the day after......

i've been staring at my pc screen for the past 10 minutes or so. its kind of difficult to put my thoughts in words. a lot had been said about april snow, and yet i feel that there's still more that has not been said. a lot more were missed out. those little things that may look insignificant to others but are a big deal for a byj fan like me.

i've seen the film yesterday and at this very moment, scenes after scenes were flashing in my mind. i've seen the film twice and i must say i was overwhelmed by the emotions insoo went through. ok, i should feel for the character of seoyoung from a woman's pt of view, & i may be the most biased person to give these kind of remarks but what really hit me when i watched april snow was the helplessness of insoo during those trying moments. he was so helpless in upholding the integrity of his marriage and at the same time so helplessly lost in what's happening between him and seoyoung. i cant help but fell for that emotion. i got caught in his weakest moments, those indecisive moments where he was on the threshold of letting go or hanging on.

i was totally drawn into the world of insoo. it felt like i was actually there where it all happened. it felt like i was an accessory to his decisions, an accomplice to his every action. insoo somehow typifies a man who wants to take control of everything and ended up losing a big part of himself. oh insoo ! the pain you went through. the values you stood for in the midst of all those uncertainties. the passion you felt in spite of all the adversities. i dont know if this was how dir hur and yong joon tried to picture insoo but these were what i felt when i entered insoo's world.

april snow for me was like a walk through in the minds of insoo and seoyoung. its not the typical melodrama where almost all the emotions were laid down like cards and all you have to do is just pick it up and make the corresponding facial expression like crying or laughing. in april snow, its like you were walking hand in hand with the characters and together you will create those crucial decisive moments.

before i entered the theater, i told myself that this will be an easy watch. i've seen a lot of reviews coming from professional critics, fans and plain hacks and i have pretty much an idea on what its all about, the scenes to watch out and the scenes that could have been improved. but i was wrong. when the first scene flashed on the screen, i was immediately transfixed. i forgot all those reviews i've read, and i went along with the unfolding of the story and followed the train of thoughts of the characters.

its pretty obvious that i liked the film. yes, i love the film and i intend to see it a number of times. but i also acknowledge the fact that april snow could have been a better film. for what purpose? for commercial value perhaps? dir hur could have retained those scenes that were supposed to focus more on the romance of insoo & seoyoung. dir hur could have made the film more emotional in an overt manner where the audience could easily identify with the characters. the film could have more of those glossy colored backdrops that could enhance further the senses of the audience & make the scenes more memorable. or those dialogues that could pierce the hearts of the audience and could probably make them cry their hearts out.

but i'm glad dir hur did not adopt all those aesthetics. i'm glad he opted to package the film the way he sees it. the way he feels it. for me, april snow is an honest film, too honest that you will either take it or leave it. it was bared for us to contemplate on, to dwell on human frailties & ultimately to understand the actions of the characters. in fact, it was only in the end where we witnessed the richness and purity of the characters' emotions symbolized by the spring flowers surrounded with snow.

i know i probably missed a lot of little things in the film like those not so obvious gestures and unspoken words that could have given me a deeper appreciation of the film but from what i've seen & grasped, i can say i'm truly thankful for seeing this film the way dir hur intended it to be. a simple film with no pretensions. and i'm grateful to the actors particularly to yong joon...for giving us a glimpse of insoo.

Monday, November 21, 2005

holding on......

times are changing, rearranging
i’m gonna keep on holding on,
while all of this is going on....

to have loved, almost lost it and regained it in a most heartbreaking way....i read this morning a beautifully translated article from a chinese byj fan. its entitled "time cannot take away your brightness". i really dont know what happened to me but i was so affected with that article. i think its the first fan writing i've read that made me cry real hard. yeah, its kind of normal for me to get emotional everytime i read an article penned & translated by byj fans. but this is the first time that it really hit me hard.

i cant say the exact reason but while i'm reading it, i have this heavy feeling as if i'm letting go of something that is so precious to me & at the same time realizing that i just cant let go of this precious someone. sounds like a confused person huh?

it was a fan's emotional journey which i felt i also may go through. right now, i'm experiencing the extreme highs & lows of being a byj fan & for sure, eventually, this will settle down into a quiet & calmer mode. but will i also go through the stage of taking things for granted, slowly drift away from him and finally letting go ?? i cant say at this point in time coz i'm still very much in the eye of byj's storm. but to let go of someone i invested with so much time & emotions ? its just beyond me right now.

do i have this fear of losing that feeling someday? of letting go of someone that meant so much to me for quite some time? its easy to fall for somebody but letting go is an entirely different thing. it takes immense courage & a very strong heart to say goodbye, turn your back and move on a different path. but i also know that somehow, someday, we may go through this process.

i hope that if ever i will have this chance of passing through this crossroad, i will have the wisdom to finally say its time to say goodbye, leave all these craziness behind and just tuck these memories in my heart and move on or
i will have the courage to say it is still ok to hold on, to keep the fire burning & to rediscover that special feeling for that special someone.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

i'm all shook up....

whew!! that was another whirlwind weekend !! i may not be in beijing but it sure feels like i'm one of those fans chasing yong joon all over the place. byj's china trip kicked off last friday, nov 11 and boy, it was so much fun. the anticipation of seeing him get off the airport, the blow by blow account by those wonderful chinese fans and the tireless translations by other wonderful fans who were glued to their pc just to share what's happening out there in beijing. & where was i?? oh yeah, i'm like one of those little garfield dolls that you stick in the rear car face literally got stuck in my pc and only my eyes and fingers were moving...tsk tsk tsk, hard to believe but its true. my fingers were like flying going from one byj site to another, one chinese portal to another, on the hunt for whats the latest in beijing on that very day.

but this trip have lots of added exciting features to it. it has been quite some time since we've seen yong joon in action. yeah, we feasted our eyes on him early last week when he arrived from japan, but those were just teasers. the main attraction is this trip. we will definitely get tons of pictures, vods, articles, fan encounters on these china episodes and we were not disappointed.

in the afternoon of his arrival, he had his press conference together with dir hur. sorry, i almost forgot to mention him **blush**, just got too excited feasting on yong joon. and wow, i was really surprised !! yong joon gained weight and he looks so wonderfully chubby ! his face is rounder, oh, i would love to pinch those chubby cheeks..& his body is fleshier. and he's got longer and straighter hair too !! boy, he looks younger and handsomer ^^ and his wardrobe is just great, love the styles and the colors. and there's more... we got a wonderful news. he had dinner with the great chinese director zhang yimou ! could that be a project in the offing ? hmm, that would be lovely if yong joon will have the chance to work with the great director. i will definitely watch out for the interesting developments in this momentous meeting.

it was kind of hectic for yong joon with one activity after another. but the fans got a load of him in that trip. yong joon and dir hur made three stage greetings and it was fun even by just looking at the pictures and watching the vods. it was really exciting running after yong joon in the net but it also feels kind of blurry. i mean, everything happened way too fast. he arrived, had the presscon, then the next day, he had these fan greetings, interviews and on sunday, he flew off !! just like that ! it was like huh ?! he came, he saw, he conquered then he left. that was probably the fastest 3 days i've experienced. i'm still savoring the events of friday and saturday and suddenly he's gone on sunday.

that sunday is kind of bittersweet for me. i felt the sadness of the chinese fans too. they went through so much preparation, so much anticipation, so much excitement and its all over just like that. moreover, pictures of him leaving beijing hotel made me a little sad coz i know it will be a matter of weeks before we see him again. thank God his next drama will start grinding on january or else we will be left stranded and wondering again.."where in the world is yong joon ???"

and....wonder of wonders...that man made another stylish disappearing act. come again?? yup, he's supposed to leave for korea on sunday & we got this flash report that he left beijing and bound for japan. again?? a big YES!! supposedly a business trip according to BOF. ok, no questions will be asked by me coz he's the boss. he's got to decide what's best for BOF & IMX so i wont ask, "how long will he stay in japan this time around?", "why is mgr yang not with him in japan?" "where is he staying in japan?", " how come its taking him too long to come back to korea?", "is that purely a business trip or an extension of his vacation?"...hahaha, i just asked the questions that i should have kept to myself...^^ btw, i think its a must for every byj fan to have a strong heart coz this guy is just full of surprises.

as of this writing, we're still waiting for any news in his whereabouts. ha, as if we'll have one!! coz when this guy is out of the limelight, he really makes sure that he's totally out of it! ok, so after the excitement comes the waiting and more waiting. come to think of it, this seems to be the norm in the life of a byj fan. mmm, i think we could make a mathematical formula out of this: anticipation + excitement = happiness multiplied by loads of patience.

but its worth it. the man simply blew me away since he made his surprise return last week fr japan and charmed me all over again in his short but sweet china trip. now, i'm waiting for him to shake me up once more in his next public appearance....

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

blew me away.......

this is what i'm really afraid of. yong joon will suddenly appear before my eyes, sporting a new look, and totally blow me away !! what is he trying to do to his fans ? haha, i'm not complaining at all, oh i'm just very happy that he's back & looking healthy, relaxed, tanned and a bit surprised. that was a great timing for yong joon's arrival. reporters were all over the airport terminal coz a famous korean soccer player just arrived and here comes yong joon, clueless to what's instore for him. i would like to express my deepest gratitude to park jisung the famous soccer player for being there before yong joon. if not for mr park, yong joon would have slipped out of the airport without us seeing him even in pictures. this may sound too selfish, but i do want to see him after a month's absence!

it was a such a treat for his fans! we were like struck by lightning and everybody went gaga on how he looks like. he was wearing a goatee, how cool is that ! i like a guy wearing a goatee...well, actually, depending on the guy :) tiger woods, another hot fave of mine, is also sporting a goatee and he looks much better. now here comes this other great hot guy. yong joon looks terrific in rugged looks, torn jeans, without any trace of actor's make up, a bit messy longer hair, all steamingly natural. i suppose this is in preparation for his upcoming tv drama. yup, it would be way much better if he will have his own beard rather than plaster a fake one during the filming or they might find trouble with hanging beard or moustache while yong joon is galloping in his horse or shooting those fight scenes :)

i think the media also went gaga over yong joon's arrival. his photos were just everywhere. we were like a bunch of wide eyed, clueless kids who have no idea what hit them. yong joon, his fans, the media...we were all wonderfully surprised and it was a wonderful feeling.

cant say much more at this time coz i'm gearing up for his china trip this friday. oh yes, we'll have another weekend filled with yong joon. i wonder how he will present himself to the china fans ? probably he will have a more conservative wardrobe during this trip. i like that. actually, i prefer to see him more in blacks, whites, browns and greys. particularly black. love him in dark colors. i do hope ms hong the stylist wont slip in this visit. and pls. no more pinks.