Monday, August 15, 2005

officially missing yong joon

i've been saying all along that i miss yong joon, but i want him to enjoy his break, have quality time with his family & friends, more time for himself, etc. etc...and while missing him again so much last night, i started asking myself can i go on like this ? will i have the strength & determination to go on like this as a BYJ fan, patiently waiting for his rare public appearances, thirsting for more news about him, eagerly anticipating for his new pictures & VODs.....will i have the will power to remain this enthusiastic towards him, this devoted to him, this loyal to him or my thoughts will go wayward & i will look the other way towards another actor perhaps?? these thoughts kept on bugging me last night while i was reading a book. actually, it has been bugging me these past few days, but i stop myself from digging deeper for answers and just left those thoughts in limbo.

yeah, i think i've to put an end to these disturbing thoughts and try to put myself to where i really am where yong joon is concerned. i've already spent one precious year of my 23 years on this earth following and loving yong joon. i've spent time & resources just to get a cyber glimpse & media glimpse of this man. will this be just a one year wonder or will it last for a long time and will forever be etched in my so called unforgettable lifetime memories ? of course, its still to early to talk about lifetime, memories, etc...jeez, i do have a life still ahead of me. but i just want to know if this attraction to yong joon will go beyond the borders and not just a passing fancy but a true devotion that is meant to last for a long long time. hhmmm, very tough questions.

will i be able to withstand these 'extra challenges' of being a BYJ fan? yong joon may not remain very active as an actor for a long time coz he's already 33 y/o plus the fact that he wants to become a director in the forseeable future so i really have, based on my own estimate, about ten more years to follow yong joon ?? can i do that ? this past year alone is such a daunting task for me but another ten long years as an active BYJ fan ??

at this point in my "career" as a yong joon fan, i'm still very much into the "i love the actor thing". seeing yong joon in his dramas, movies, CFs, magazine covers gives me so much pleasure and excitement. but something is slowly but surely overtaking this "actor thing" in my subconsciousness. now, i'm definitely moving into a different BYJ realm. for the past few months, i see yong joon more as the real person rather than the actor, but then again, yong joon is this kind of actor who seems to have no pretensions. what you see on the screen somehow gives you a glimpse of the real person and i'm loving it. i love seeing the sincerity in his eyes, the warmth and respect in his voice, the humility in his movements. i'm definitely falling more in love with the yong joon as a person. yeah, the excitement and the giddiness are still very much in there but these feelings are more prominent now......respect for his values, admiration for his decisions & career management, awe in his tireless efforts & determination to further improve in his craft.

i think i can withstand a few more years with yong joon. say, another ten years or so ??

i'm very much looking forward to my bright future as a BYJ fan.